Views on religion - and talk about the traditions of those religions - or the lack of a religious upbringing. As discussed in another thread, I believe it's important to really really really *talk* about these things, *think* about these things. If you practice different religions, do you expect the other to join you at services once you're married? (Someone said this once, and it shocked me, since I didn't understand why someoen would think their partner would automatically "switch" is practices just because he was married.) If neither of you practices and specific religion nor has had a religious upbringing, talk/think about your value and belief systems (non-religious). It's often easy to define beliefs in terms of "He's Protestant, I'm Catholic" or "We're both aetheists", but think beyond that to what your value system *means* to you and how you live that in your daily lives.
Children - do you want them? If so, when? How many? (eg- one wants 10 the other wants one, you'll have to do some compromising somewhere. If one wants 2 and the other 3, you're probably already close to a compromise.) If not, are you both quite set in that frame of mind or are you lukewarm? (one changing their mind and the other *not*, has been the cause of at least one divorce that I know of personally, and I'm sure a great deal of strife.) Same goes if you both want them? How certain are you of that? What would you consider doing if you couldn't have them without "help"? Having a settled decision may not be necessary, but an *idea* - eg. absolutely no adoption? Definitely adoption? Consider adoption? Artificial means to become pregnant - and if so to what extent? If yes to kids, then ideas about child rearing? SAHM or outside childcare? Religion/no religion for the kids?
Family (non-kids) - what are your relationships to each of your families and how would you expect that to change/stay the same upon marriage? Your potential kids' relationships to your extended families (if you're want kids)?
Money Management - how do each of you manage your money, what do you see doing differently when married? Joint finances? Separate? ...or any of the ranges in between?
Pre-conceived notions of what it means to be a "wife/husband". Many people have certain ideas of "wife/husband" while the expectations and relationship of "girlfriend/boyfriend" may be much different.
General lifestyle issues - do you envision married life in a big rambling home in the country and your partner envisions a flat in the city? Such things probably would have already come up, however, it's amazing how people have a preconceived notion of "married life" which may be different from the life they're living now, but they assume things will become a certain way. It's important to discuss such things to make sure you're on the same page! Travel? Does one of you love it and the other hate it? How will you compromise? Jobs/careers - will you be a dual career couple? If so, how is each of you willing to compromise to support the other in their career?
Some of these things may seem silly, but I could not imagine marrying someone with whom I *hadn't* discussed all these issues. We haven't come to precise conclusions on all of these, but we have discussed them, so we know where we need to consider compromises, and we know where it'll be easy because we agree! There are so many more things that have come up - for us, one biggie has been what country to live in - but these are probably the key ones that we've discussed thoroughly.
By Cherise.